Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Messing Up

Over the weekend, I went to a couple of R & P's party, which was an agalmation of many events, including their birthday, Chinese New Year, and housewarming.

Once there, I caught up again with A, whose I hadn't seen since before Christmas, or perhaps Christmas Trade, anyway, since then , he had been on a 3 week trek through Nepal, cumlutating in strolling over Everest.

We discussed his trip for a while, then I got dragged over to entertain others, but he looked well, tanned, rustic even.

Then come 6am, 20+ of us left at the party, decided to go to a after-hours club. While there, I met A again, who was a bit messy, so I sat him down and went looking for any cute guys.

A couple of hours later after managing to get my flatmate a safe taxi home, I discovered A still sat in the same place, but a bit more 'with it', and had a pleasent conversation with him. It was then I noticed that there was something about him, that had changed since he had been away, all for the better, perhaps he's found something, but it's definately something extra.

Now A, was an ex of P's, and I while I've known him for a while now, and like him personally, I've never thought of him as a potential date type person. Yet now I'm considering it.

There's a large amount of history between R, P, A and me, which involved, dating, splitting up, getting back together, leaving for others, splitting up, wanting to get back together, and the rest of it.

It all finished with R & P getting together for the 2nd/ 3rd time (I lost count), and making a go of it, which I supported, and so did A I believe.

Yet this leaves myself and A single, which we've both enjoyed seperately. Then on Sunday, as we were all chilling out in a Soho pub, after our 5 minute tour of the Portrait Gallery (catching all the Van Gogh's and the Monet), and scrumming through the throngs of people in Chinatown, I found myself flirtting with him quite outragouisly, and him responding, I had to back off slightly, as it all seemed too easy for us to fall into these partnerships.

As I'm still very good friends with R & P, in fact they're my cloest, I found myself getting concerned about what they're reacting would be, especially P's as he and A were very much in love, and how much of a mind-fuck it would be for everyone involved.

So I question myself on do I ask A out for a date, and see how things progress with a guy I now very much like, or do I stay away and keep things simple in the context they now are, following 2 years of hurt, rejection and love that it's taken all 4 of us to get here?