Tuesday, November 29, 2005

What have I been doing....

It's been a considerable while since I was on here, even then it was a rehash of an old story I had pasted from a previous blog, my absence can be explained in many ways, the simplest being that I've been too busy building up a collection of anecdotes to be able to write them on here for my recollection in years to come and your current amusement.

Last week was eventful in a way that the previous seemed to just drift by aimlessly. I had even managed to take the weekend previous off (ie cancel all know and unknown appearances and party invitations) so that relaxation would be achievable. Although this was done by and large, and I had a enjoyable seclusion from the world and the human race, this was disturbed by a phone call at my home number (I had turned the mobile off to avoid temptation) from a friend who had cut her finger and wanted me to travel to Clapham to take her to the Hospital, under normal circumstances I probably would have, although by this time of 8pm, I had indulged in a fair quantity of 'herbal' cigarettes, and couldn't even face leaving the house let alone travelling an hour to Clapham via public transport, and then back up to St Guys A&E dept. Even though the incident wasn't as serious as initially explained, my calm achieved over the weekend had now disappeared, on a positive note though, my friend had her finger treated the next day with no complications by her work's first aider, in case you were worried.

I should have realised that from that moment on the week wouldn't be the same again, apart from now being extremely busy in work, as my dept had no merged with another dept, but we've gone from a collective 5 people on our depts managing, to just 2, and at the busiest time of the year when we're launching Spring collection. Anyway I digress from the more interesting parts... now I could put this into chronological order, but I've decided against that.

So on Monday morning I decided to put on my Mobile again, to find that 2 of my closest friend's who are dating, have argued at some point while out on Friday evening, things have been said, and people quite upset. This is backed by a serious of e-mails through the day more or less explaining in brief, what has occurred, who was there for the event, and what has happened subsequently. This cumulates in them splitting up (this time for good...well kind of) on Tuesday. This then leads to numerous conversations with them both, trying in part to understand where they're coming from and still appearing neutral, considering I've been in both their positions before, as one loves one more than the other, and so the one who loves the least gets feeling of guilt and frustration, while the other has mixed feelings of anger at the way they were treated and this love they can't stop.

Come Thursday, and I had already arranged to have dinner with one who finished the relationship, despite being the one who acted appallingly on Friday eve. So when the other rang to meet up the same evening, I mentioned where I was going, but that I could arrange drinks beforehand. Anyway, to cut this story down, I got a phone call from them both, stating that they had arranged to meet before I was to meet for dinner, and so cancel drinks and I'll just meet them both at the house. So when I arrived the one who had quite the relationship was now asking the other out again. Bizarre I know, but this is just another twist in a very complicated relationship that needs explaining at another time.

Well as a consequence of this tepid reconciliation, it meant that all 3 of us as arranged could attend the Sailing and Cruising Association laying up supper, for those of you unaware this is a sailing club populated by gay and Lesbian sailors, and while the jokes might be many, the members numbers aren't, which meant it was a small (approx. 200)intimate event, that was joyful and entertaining (no wonder due to the free alcohol available all night). There were many highlights, including my friend winning a pink Barbie umbrella so his solo crossing of the Atlantic, and the singing seamen.

Speaking of which, it reminds me of dinner with same friend on Thursday after he (ex)boyfriend had left, which was pleasant, and we discussed many things before deciding to embark to Vauxhall for Rude Boys, and I have no shame admitting it was my first time there, as I rarely venture out on a school night, but I had tremendous fun, and was delighted to discover in the next room from the bar and dance floor was a set of cubicles that had various spy holes for a variety of heighted men. It was an experience I shall probably try again, although I will try in light of the comment I received from one young gentleman I encountered "to show more enthusiasm". We finally staggered out about 4ish, before heading back to his for a chat and then bed. Friday was a fragile day, but as long as I don't make it a regular occurrence then I shall be able to cope again in the future.

All of this was a nice distraction from the other news that occurred last week, first that on the Monday I went to the doctors concerning a lump I had found in my testicles, I had noticed it a couple of weeks earlier, but chose as usual to ignore it, thinking that it would go away, only for it to grow double in size, so I accepted that the doctors was the place to go and off I went. I knew before that it wasn't cancer, as it didn't seem to be attached to the testicle, and was proved right, the doctor explained the problem briefly, then booked me an appointment for an ultrasound and more detailed examination in 3 weeks time, then mentioned that with this particular problem, there was an almost certainty that it would also lead to infertility. Now I know that as a gay man, having children didn't really play a big part in my future and to be truthful I've never been paternal in any way, but being told you can't have children even though you never wanted them, leaves you strangely disappointed. It means that the choice which I always had has now been taking away from me.