Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Cleansing

Sometimes you have a weekend, whereby you manage to achieve everything you had planned on Friday afternoon, while waiting for the clock to tick down in work, and sometimes you do so much more.

It's these kind of weekends whereby you've managed to clean out all your old junk, cleansing not only your room space but also yourself, where you feel as if a lot has lifted from your shoulders just because you no longer have a pile of clothes at the bottom of your wardrobe waiting to be sorted, where you reinvigorate yourself by hanging those pictures you bought over a year ago to 'brighten up' the place, and where you reach your inner peace by dismantling the ancient computer that has caused you so much grief over the past 6 months.

If only you could manage this every weekend, then you would always face Mondays with a chipper attitude every week too.

Of course, the other consequence of cleaning your junk out, and making things clearer also means that you look at your life differently too, and as I'm due to celebrate my 28th year within the week, it means I've reached an age where you take stock a little and wonder how you managed to get where you are with considerable little effort.

Reaching 28, appears to be quite a milestone in a gay man's life, nearly all my gay friends are 28, and have been for some time, it's the age you reach, and stop counting, partly through fear of your "th**ties" and partly as it's the age where most of them realised that they needed to 'achieve' more in their life.

I was discussing this with my friend P on Sunday, after another night/day of dancing and deprivation, and while I've openly managed to achieve quite a lot, a degree, my own house in Swansea, a decent job with excellent pay and wonderful friends and family, I've done so without much effort on my part. Obviously there has been some effort, but I've got much more than I've been entitled too, and now I've reached that age where I know there's no rush in getting more, but I need to think about focussing on what I want to do, and how do I want to get that.

My only concern is that at this present time I'm so comfortable in what I've got, I've misplaced my ambition, and therefore have lost the goals I initially wanted in my youth.

The best part of this though is that with a clean conscience, and a clean slate, there are no limits to what I could achieve or in what my dreams can be.

I really like this chipperness, its fantastic!